This will stop you second-guessing yourself
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
"Know thyself."
These words were inscribed on the entrance to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi in ancient Greece, where people travelled from across the world to consult the oracle. The fact that this was the first thing they were asked to consider before seeking answers elsewhere feels about right to me. People have understood for a very long time that knowing yourself is one of the foundations of a well-lived life.
And yet most of us spend very little time actually doing it.
I was pondering this after a recent coaching session I had with Mandy Rees. Mandy is a coach who works predominantly with female lawyers, which means she understands the particular challenges of operating as a woman in a system that wasn't always designed with you in mind. If you missed the blog I wrote about the masterclass Mandy ran for Female Lawyers' Club earlier this year, you can read it here. The short version is that Mandy works with a framework called the One of Many Power Types, developed by Dr Joanna Martin, which maps how women tend to show up across five feminine archetypes. More on those in a moment.
But first, a bit of context on why I think this matters so much.
Why knowing yourself builds confidence
A few years ago, I did the CliftonStrengths assessment, which identifies your dominant strengths from a list of 34. My top five came back as Achiever, Harmony, Discipline, Futuristic and Focus. Reading that report was so useful because it enabled me to see these things as strengths, rather than character quirks which I may have otherwise dismissed as irrelevant or slightly pointless.
That's what good self-knowledge tools do. They give you language for how you operate, and once you have that language, you stop second-guessing yourself quite so much. You start working with your wiring rather than against it.
The One of Many Power Types
This is where the session with Mandy added something different. CliftonStrengths tells you what you're good at. The Power Types framework goes a layer deeper and looks at how you're showing up, and whether it's working for you.
The five types are:
Queen: She sets direction, makes decisions and holds boundaries without guilt or over-explanation. For many of us, this is the most underdeveloped muscle.
Mother: The calm, steady presence. She absorbs anxiety, holds people together and keeps things on an even keel. Incredibly powerful in a legal context, and also the one most likely to leave you with nothing left over for yourself if she's always on.
Connector: She builds trust, reads the room and notices the dynamics others miss. The reason clients bring all their work to you and colleagues choose to confide in you. She tends to go quiet when you're depleted.
Warrioress: She gets things done. She pushes back. She keeps going on no sleep. Mandy has said that, without exception, every female lawyer she has worked with has a high Warrioress, which also explains the burnout rates.
Strategist: She sees the bigger picture, trusts her instincts and notices what isn't being said. This is the part of you that knew something was off about a deal before anyone else had clocked it.
The point, as I wrote in my earlier blog on Mandy's masterclass, isn't whether you have these - you do. The question is whether you're using them deliberately, or whether they're running you. I'd encourage you to read that post if you want the fuller picture on how these play out in practice.
What the personal session with Mandy added was a profile, based on a questionnaire I completed beforehand, that showed me which types I access most readily and which ones I've been neglecting. Knowing that changed how I thought about some things I'd been finding difficult. It also gave me some practical things to try, which brings me to the resources Mandy shared.
Two things that are worth knowing about
The first is a framework for setting boundaries. This sounds basic, but the way Mandy approaches it is more useful than the usual "just say no" advice, because it's collaborative rather than confrontational. The structure she uses is: acknowledge the person or the situation, state clearly what doesn't work for you, consider whether it's a deal breaker, and then work out a way forward together. You don't need to justify yourself. You just make a clear, calm statement of where you stand. For anyone who has ever said yes to something they had no capacity for because the silence felt too uncomfortable, this is worth considering.
The second is a guide to communicating with the masculine, which sounds more niche than it is. The core insight is that when someone is in a more masculine mode of processing, whether that's a partner, a colleague or a senior partner, they tend to hear direct requests much more clearly than hints, implications or statements made while they're looking at their phone. Being specific about what you need, and making sure you have someone's actual attention before you say the important thing, is one of those small adjustments that turns out to make a significant difference. Mandy sent these to me as resources after our session, and I found both of them useful.
If you want to explore your own profile
Mandy is offering PowerType Profile sessions to Female Lawyers' Club members at £125, reduced from her usual rate of £295. Here's her description of what to expect:
"A PowerType Profile session with Mandy will give you a much clearer understanding of how you naturally think, lead and respond under pressure. It will help you see where you are over-relying on certain strengths, where you're holding yourself back, and what you can do differently in a practical way. If you're a working woman who feels stretched, second-guessing yourself, or trying to do everything well at once, this kind of session gives you language for what's actually going on and a way to move forward with more clarity and confidence."
You can find Mandy and book a session via her website: mandyrees.com/contact
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Rachel