Why ‘just be yourself’ is terrible advice for women leaders
“Just be yourself.”
It sounds empowering , but for many women in senior roles, it’s not only unhelpful but sometimes downright confusing.
In a recent Female Lawyers’ Club masterclass, leadership coach Anya Smirnova explored why authenticity can feel complicated for women leaders, and how to navigate it without holding yourself back.
The career advice every senior female lawyer needs right now
At first, I was slightly put off by the title Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Dr Lois P. Frankel.
I worried it might reinforce the tired myth that women have to be ruthless, or worse, unpleasant, to succeed. Early in my career, one of my most important role models was a female partner who was both highly respected and kind. She proved that you don’t have to sacrifice decency to achieve authority. We all know women (and men) in leadership who are not kind, but that is not the model most of us aspire to.
What female lawyers can learn from The DOSE Effect
Like many lawyers, I’m curious about why some days feel manageable and energising, while others leave us depleted before lunchtime. When I read The DOSE Effect by TJ Power, it put language and structure around something many of us already sense instinctively: our brains are running powerful chemical systems in the background, and modern working life often pushes those systems in the wrong direction.
For female lawyers in particular, juggling demanding careers, emotional labour, and responsibilities outside work, understanding how these systems operate can be genuinely empowering.
How to Never feel Nervous Again
You can never guarantee what will happen, or what you will achieve in a particular situation. If you tether your confidence on a particular outcome, you will always feel uneasy as you’ll forever be worrying about the threat of failure.
You can however guarantee to make your best effort. Therefore, if you choose the basis of best effort, you will have full control. You will see life as full of opportunities and you can feel confident knowing that you can deal with the consequences. Just like that…poofff! The fear is gone!