Why senior women leave law firms, in their own words
Over the summer, I asked you what law firms could do better to keep you and promote you. In total, 109 of you answered, and today I'm publishing what you said in The Female Lawyer Retention Report. I’ve given a summary of what the report says in this week’s email, but I highly encourage you to read the report itself when you have a minute (the link is below). It’s an eye-opening read and reminds us all not only that the patriarchy is still very much alive and kicking in the legal industry (who knew?!) but, more importantly, gives many ideas on what we and our firms can do about it to make our profession more equitable for everyone.
Is apologising gendered?
Occasionally the idea for a blog doesn't so much suggest itself as smack me in the face and insist that I write it. This is one such occasion.
This was prompted by three separate incidents in fairly short order. I was on the receiving end of suboptimal behaviour from three different people, and on none of these occasions did the person apologise. I say “people” when what I actually mean is “men”, and it gave me pause to wonder whether the propensity to apologise, or not, is gendered. I had a suspicion that it was, and this prompted me to look into it further.
The feedback you got wasn't about you. Here's the research that proves it.
A few weeks ago, I was running a leadership session for a law firm’s women’s network. Around 109 people joined, which was already impressive, but what really stood out was that around 20 of them were men.
At the start of the session, I put a question up on screen and asked everyone to answer it in the chat. The question was:
"Have you ever been penalised for being assertive, direct, ambitious, independent or confident - traits often praised in men but questioned in women?"
Earn what you're worth, without working more hours
A few years ago, I acted for a group of individuals exiting a business. The main contact argued me down on my fees, and I agreed. I charged £15,000 for the whole matter. I later found out that my opposition, who I knew had a similar level of experience as me, charged £60,000 for effectively the same job, when I am sure that I had done more of the hand-holding. When I learned this, I felt sick: I had charged just a quarter of what my opposition had charged and I know I’d done a great job.
We learn the hard way. And then, sometimes, we get a session like the one we had with Matthew Dashper-Hughes, and we realise there might be a faster route.
This will stop you second-guessing yourself
"Know thyself."
These words were inscribed on the entrance to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi in ancient Greece, where people travelled from across the world to consult the oracle. The fact that this was the first thing they were asked to consider before seeking answers elsewhere feels about right to me. People have understood for a very long time that knowing yourself is one of the foundations of a well-lived life.
And yet most of us spend very little time actually doing it.