How to Stop Beating Yourself Up
I recently went for dinner at Evelyn’s in Manchester with a lovely friend who I used to work with. Between bites of charred cauliflower, deep-fried courgettes, teriyaki mushrooms, and chips (we ordered all the food and it was glorious), we caught up on life, careers, and everything in between.
At one point, my friend asked me something that really stuck with me. She said:
“How do I stop beating myself up when I get things wrong?”
Is the Confidence Gap Holding You Back?
I recently hosted a panel discussion in celebration of International Women’s Day, interviewing Sarah Goulbourne, Co-Founder of Gunnercooke and Norah Durrant, Founder of Norah Durrant Recruitment and Female Counsel. One of the topics which came up was how lack of confidence can hold women back in their legal careers. Part of the discussion involved recognising that this is often a gender issue: men do not seem to struggle to the same degree with advocating for themselves or being confident in their abilities.
Becoming a Likeable Badass in Law
I’ve recently read the book “Likeable Badass” by Alison Fragale and it was filled with great advice for women professionals. It’s about how you can behave in work to get you ahead whilst maintaining your likeability (in other words, how to walk the tightrope that men don’t have to walk).
I first became aware of this tightrope when I read “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg years ago. Sandberg talks about how when women behave assertively at work, they are perceived as less likeable which, in turn, affects their prospects of success in negotiations and their career more generally. When men behave assertively, it does not affect their likeability. The same goes for success: success and likeability are positively correlated for men but negatively correlated for women. Studies have shown that when a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less.
Lessons From 20 Years in Law
A career in law isn’t for the faint-hearted.
If quitting had been an option, I suspect I may well have done so at various points in my career when it became too much. Having reached this stage, I see now how lucky I have been that quitting has never been an option for me – like most people, I don’t have a financial cushion to fall back on and need to work. If I quit, what would I do instead, that paid the same salary? And so, I persevered.
Just Say No!
In Female Lawyers’ Club last week, we were chatting about saying no to things, and how difficult we found it. I talk about saying no a lot but this doesn’t make it any easier for me to do it!
Case in point. I’d been contacted a couple of weeks ago by a colleague who asked if I could speak at an event in Leeds, as an employment colleague had dropped out. I really wanted to help my colleague out, but it would have been a nightmare.