The feedback you got wasn't about you. Here's the research that proves it.
A few weeks ago, I was running a leadership session for a law firm’s women’s network. Around 109 people joined, which was already impressive, but what really stood out was that around 20 of them were men.
At the start of the session, I put a question up on screen and asked everyone to answer it in the chat. The question was:
"Have you ever been penalised for being assertive, direct, ambitious, independent or confident - traits often praised in men but questioned in women?"
Earn what you're worth, without working more hours
A few years ago, I acted for a group of individuals exiting a business. The main contact argued me down on my fees, and I agreed. I charged £15,000 for the whole matter. I later found out that my opposition, who I knew had a similar level of experience as me, charged £60,000 for effectively the same job, when I am sure that I had done more of the hand-holding. When I learned this, I felt sick: I had charged just a quarter of what my opposition had charged and I know I’d done a great job.
We learn the hard way. And then, sometimes, we get a session like the one we had with Matthew Dashper-Hughes, and we realise there might be a faster route.
This will stop you second-guessing yourself
"Know thyself."
These words were inscribed on the entrance to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi in ancient Greece, where people travelled from across the world to consult the oracle. The fact that this was the first thing they were asked to consider before seeking answers elsewhere feels about right to me. People have understood for a very long time that knowing yourself is one of the foundations of a well-lived life.
And yet most of us spend very little time actually doing it.
What epilepsy and 31 fractures taught one lawyer about resilience
Karen Eckstein describes herself as “nobody special.” She's a lawyer turned risk management consultant. Not an Olympian, or a Nobel Prize winner. Just someone who has broken more bones than she cares to count, nearly lost her leg, and found ways to keep going anyway.
She came to speak at a Female Lawyers' Club masterclass earlier this month. Karen had so many useful things to say, I wanted to share some of my takeaways here.