The career advice every senior female lawyer needs right now
“Balance your inclination to serve others’ needs with serving your own.”
At first, I was slightly put off by the title Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Dr Lois P. Frankel.
I worried it might reinforce the tired myth that women have to be ruthless, or worse, unpleasant, to succeed. Early in my career, one of my most important role models was a female partner who was both highly respected and kind. She proved that you don’t have to sacrifice decency to achieve authority. We all know women (and men) in leadership who are not kind, but that is not the model most of us aspire to.
What Frankel actually teaches is something far more useful, and far more nuanced. As she writes elsewhere:
The opposite of a nice girl isn’t a bitch - it’s a winning woman.
A “nice girl” acts in ways designed to make others like her.
A “winning woman” acts in ways that ensure her goals are met, through clarity, likability, and emotional intelligence.
Frankel draws on decades of research showing that women are socially conditioned to prioritise being liked, often at significant personal cost. When women step outside those expectations, they can face real penalties: missed promotions, smaller pay rises, exclusion from opportunities, or subtle forms of ostracism.
For women in male-dominated professions like law, this means one uncomfortable truth: the playing field is not level.
This book is not about becoming ruthless. It’s about understanding the game so you have a chance of winning it.
In many ways, Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office has underpinned much of the work I do through Female Lawyers’ Club, including my course The Successful Lawyer. My own copy is highlighted, underlined, dog-eared, and filled with Post-it notes. I have returned to it again and again over the years.
So to say Dr Frankel is one of my professional heroes would not be an exaggeration.
You can imagine my disbelief, and delight, when a message from Lois herself appeared in my inbox to tell me that a fully revised and updated edition will be released on 3 March.
I asked whether she would be willing to do a short Q&A specifically for female lawyers. She very kindly agreed.
Her timing could not be more relevant. As she notes below, we are seeing renewed pushback against diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives in many parts of the world. At the same time, women remain under-represented at senior levels in law and the gender pay gap persists. The structural challenges have not disappeared. They are still very much with us.
Here is what she had to say.
1. Your original book has been hugely influential for many women, including me. What prompted you to create a fully revised and updated edition now, and what has changed most in the workplace since the first release?
Truth be told, I initially declined the publisher’s request to do a 20-year update. I just didn’t see the need. That was before the 2024 election in the U.S. and the backlash I was seeing against women. I went back to my editor and said, “I’m ready.” So much has changed, but if I had to choose just one thing it is the erosion of DEI – and not just in the U.S. but around the world as other countries follow suit. Watching it being dismantled is so disheartening and women are even more responsible for strategically and assertively managing their careers.
2. Are there still “Nice Girl” habits you see holding back high-achieving women, even at senior levels?
Perhaps even more so today now that some of the protective guardrails have come down. Women are more hesitant to speak up and standout, hoping that flying under the radar is the better option for workplace longevity.
3. Many senior women do excellent work but find it isn’t always visible to decision-makers. How can women increase their visibility and influence without it feeling uncomfortable or inauthentic?
There are three things I would suggest.
Keep track of your key achievements and a few weeks before any performance discussion send management a bulleted summary of them. Attach a note saying you know they have many such discussions and hope the summary will be helpful in guiding yours.
Volunteer for high profile presentations. Yes, it requires additional work and preparation, but you are a brand in the workplace and marketing is critical to brand success.
Be among the first two or three people speak in every meeting. Early speakers are seen as more self-confident than later speakers. You don’t always have to give an opinion – you can support what someone else has said, clarify what’s been said, or ask the question that everyone else is thinking but too afraid to bring up. Make your presence known.
4. Conversations around gender, inclusion, and leadership have evolved in recent years. Are you seeing meaningful progress for women at senior levels, or do the same barriers keep resurfacing in new forms?
To say they have “evolved” is generous. Mark Zuckerberg spoke for many men when he called for more “masculine energy” in large companies because they are becoming “culturally neutered.” There was some progress and cause for optimism over the past decade, but more recent remarks like these have slowed women’s advancement. We are living now in what has been described as a broligarchy.
5. For women who are already performing at a high level but feel they are not progressing as quickly as male peers, what patterns do you most often see at play?
First, women often don’t ask for promotions and high-visibility assignments. They expect that high performance will be noticed and rewarded, which isn’t true. Next, progress requires advocacy. Women have gotten good at asking for mentors, now they need to get better at asking someone to advocate for them when they want to be considered for a certain position. And finally, as much as I hate to say this, I think we’ve returned a bit to the “Queen Bee Syndrome.” When high performing women do break through the glass-ceiling they are less willing to take other women with them for fear of being called biased. Women need to develop a response to this accusation, even using humor, such as, “If bias is hiring the best person for the job, then call me biased!”
6. For women in demanding careers like law, what mindset or behaviour shift tends to unlock the biggest step up in seniority, influence, or earnings?
Two things immediately come to mind: entitlement and negotiation. Women are notoriously good at negotiating for others, but not so good (even lawyers!) when it comes to themselves. Become proficient in the nuances of women’s negotiation (and it’s different from how men negotiate) – It’s a long-term tool and strategy for success.
If this resonates with you, I strongly encourage you to read the updated edition of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office.
A completely revised version will be released on 3 March, and if you pre-order before then you will be entered into a contest to win either a six-month coaching package valued at over $20,000 or a $250 Amazon gift certificate.
You can find full details here:
Even if you don’t win the contest, you will still have gained something highly valuable: a book that has helped generations of professional women navigate workplaces that were not designed with them in mind.
In my view, every woman in the legal profession would benefit from reading it. I certainly have, for many years.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Rachel