The question to ask before you say yes
“You can do anything, but not everything.”
Coming back in January after the break can feel like being thrown straight back into the deep end.
Targets reset, expectations stay high, and somehow we’re meant to be back at full speed straight away.
Last week in Female Lawyers’ Club, we hosted a brilliant masterclass with Vikki Pratley, former lawyer and founder of the StressLess Academy, on avoiding burnout while still staying ambitious and performing at a high level.
Here are the key takeaways from the session.
1) Burnout often starts subtly
It doesn’t usually begin with a dramatic collapse. It can show up as lower tolerance, disproportionate emotional reactions, and that feeling of “why is this harder than it should be?”
If you recognise any of these, it doesn’t mean anything is “wrong” with you. It can simply be a sign your system is overloaded, mentally, emotionally, physically, and needs supporting. So please take note accordingly, and look after yourself.
2) Stress isn’t the enemy, but living in fight-or-flight is
Vikki explained stress in a way that many of us don’t get taught in law.
Your nervous system has two main “modes”:
Fight or flight (useful in short bursts: deadlines, emergencies, high stakes moments)
Rest and digest (where clarity, perspective, empathy and emotional regulation live)
The problem isn’t stress. The problem is when fight-or-flight becomes the default, day after day, without recovery.
And a key mindset change here is this:
High performance doesn’t come from being constantly “revved up.” It comes from being regulated enough to think clearly, respond well, and approach work and life with some perspective.
3) Sleep is not optional for good decision-making
Vikki shared research from sleep scientist Matthew Walker, including that after 19–20 hours awake, mental capacity can resemble someone who is legally drunk.
Even if you can’t guarantee 8 hours sleep every night, committing to an 8-hour sleep window can make a real difference, as can going to bed at the same time every night.
4) The question to ask before saying yes
This was my biggest takeaway - I think it’s helpful because it’s short enough to actually remember.
Before you agree to something, whether it’s another client request, another internal initiative, another “quick favour”, ask yourself:
“At what cost?”
So you know what you’re really saying yes to.
At what cost to your health?
At what cost to your focus?
At what cost to your family time?
At what cost to the work that actually matters?
Sometimes you’ll still say yes, but it becomes a mindful choice, rather than the automatic default.
5) Confidence grows where your attention goes
Instead of letting your inner critic run the show, Vikki suggested asking:
Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?
Vikki also offered a simple practice to build your confidence:
Write down three things you did well
Daily if that feels doable. Weekly if that feels more realistic.
Doing this regularly will help you grow your confidence and self-trust. As she put it: confidence grows where attention goes.
If you’re feeling stretched already, I hope this will help you tackle 2026 with a calmer and happier mindset. And above all: be kind to yourself. To do so is not a soft option. It’s how you stay in the game.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Rachel