What I Wish I’d Known When I Started Out
A couple of weeks ago, I asked this question on LinkedIn:
“If you’re a senior female lawyer, can you let me know:
What is the one thing you wished you’d known earlier in your career?”
I received replies from many women across various roles and firms, and I am enormously grateful to those of you who took the time to reply. I have kept the replies anonymous as promised.
I have added my own thoughts at the end of the blog.
Just Say No!
In Female Lawyers’ Club last week, we were chatting about saying no to things, and how difficult we found it. I talk about saying no a lot but this doesn’t make it any easier for me to do it!
Case in point. I’d been contacted a couple of weeks ago by a colleague who asked if I could speak at an event in Leeds, as an employment colleague had dropped out. I really wanted to help my colleague out, but it would have been a nightmare.
A Huge Lesson I Learned at an Airport
I was taught the importance of kindness many years ago on a trip to Barcelona. My husband and I were queuing up to go through security. We were stood directly behind a family of four: mum, dad and two teenage kids. The dad seemed extremely stressed.
When one of the man's sons went through the scanner, he started bucking and shrieking. He was over 6 feet tall and it was alarming to watch. His dad did his best to restrain him and calm him down so they could get through.
And then it hit me: the man's son was autistic. The dad had done this before and knew what was coming; that’s why he’d been so stressed.
How to say no without everyone hating you
I know from speaking to female lawyers that saying no is something many of us struggle with. It’s not easy, after all, to switch off a lifetime of conditioning to be a “good girl” and trying to please everyone. Most of us are conscientious types who want to do well and the unfortunate corollary of this can sometimes be that we say yes to too many things.
There are many situations in which a female lawyer may be asked to do something she doesn’t want to do, or that isn’t in her interests to agree to. People have written whole books about how to tackle this. However, for today, I want to share a quick tip on saying no which I’ve found really helpful – it allows you to protect your boundaries and your relationship with the person requesting at the same time. Win!
I wasn’t expecting this…
Kindness is, after all, very much not a prerequisite for working in a law firm. Indeed, I suspect it would be actively frowned upon by certain members of the profession.
And yet…
What will we remember when we reach the end of our careers?
Yes, of course, we’ll remember the highs and lows of a career in a highly competitive (and occasionally dramatic) profession.
But won’t we remember most of all the times when we were treated with kindness in a profession where it can be in somewhat short supply?