What I Wish I’d Known When I Started Out
“I am my best work – a series of road maps, reports, recipes, doodles, and prayers from the front lines.”
A couple of weeks ago, I asked this question on LinkedIn:
If you’re a senior female lawyer, can you let me know:
What is the one thing you wished you’d known earlier in your career?
I received replies from women across various roles and firms, and I am enormously grateful to those of you who took the time to reply. I have kept the replies anonymous as promised.
I have added my own thoughts at the end of the blog.
A few things I wish I had known earlier in my career:
1. Failure is inevitable at some point. It happens to everyone and it doesn’t define your career; it might just change the direction you expected. In my experience, those pivots have usually resulted in positive things I would not have otherwise had the opportunity to do.
2. Sadly not everything will be judged on merit and as a woman you may come across unfairness based on gender. Try not to take that personally (although that is how it will feel) and push on in spite of those hurdles.
3. You can have a career and children. But it will feel different and pose different challenges. It is worth it.
It will go so quickly. Don't be in a rush to get somewhere. What will happen will happen at the right time. Enjoy and celebrate the moments of joy: a destination will not make you happy but the journey and the friendships you make along the way will. Be brave, trust your instincts. You've got this.
And celebrate each other. “Wear the friendship bracelets.”
Those friendships will be the thing you're the most proud of at the end of the day.
I wished I’d known to stay in my own lane-not be overly concerned with how well others are doing but instead define my own measure of success and accept that may not look like others’ measure of success, but that is ok!
I wish I hadn’t run away from London with imposter syndrome. I was so unsure about the choice of career and discipline I jumped from one firm to another until eventually it became a bad habit and I became a professional locum. Great for experience but not great for ever securing partnership and the associated benefits.
I found my early career as a lawyer very, very hard up until about 8 years PQE. I think should have been brave at 4 years PQE and quit the law but back in the 2000s it just wasn’t done to quit at 4 years PQE.
It’s honestly never made me happy or rich. I just learnt to tolerate it and then learnt my ring craft.*
I guess in the early days (my late 20s/ early 30s) I liked the status of saying I was a solicitor more than I liked the job.
I am enjoying law much more now as a consultant than I ever did while I was employed – I should have done it years ago.
*(I had to ask what this meant!) Ringcraft: to learn then apply one’s skill set in a specific domain - basically get good at what we do after years of practice.
I wish I'd had a crystal ball that showed how things would change and that it would one day be ok and acceptable to think differently from those in charge. And that there are other ways of working - not just the traditional, male, work hard - get partnership - make piles of money and have a huge house. Being taught that was What One Did has meant a lot of feeling inadequate for not having achieved some or all of those things, whilst also juggling real life issues like miscarriages, having babies, mat leave, returning to work, taking "redundancy" and having to find new jobs unexpectedly...
I could probably add more!! I sound pretty miserable but it's not been all bad by any means! And I'm out of that tunnel now anyway 💪🏻🥳
When I was a young lawyer, I wish someone had told me that "making partner" isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's held as the pinnacle of your career, which you are told to strive for and sell your soul to achieve. But in reality, it's more work, more responsibility, more liability, and you have to pay for it (if you’re an equity partner), but you don't actually get the 'say' in how things are run as much as you might think.
Network, network and network.
I love this quote which sums up what I should have started doing years ago. I think it applies to law as much as any other profession and is something all young women should look at positively and enjoy as they pursue their careers...
“Networking is not about just connecting people. It's about connecting people with people, people with ideas, and people with opportunities." -- Michele Jennae
What I wish I’d known as a senior woman lawyer? I drafted my comment below and then was horrified by it. I do wish somebody had given me a heads up though. I know so many women who struggled with this situation as juniors, especially in corporate or banking transaction-based roles.
It is part of the job to network and socialise, but as a woman you can’t win. If you are invited to a completion dinner or similar event, always leave before your senior partner or supervisor for your own protection. If a client comes on to you (and some seem to think they’re God’s gift after a big deal and a few drinks), it’s literally lose /lose. If you go with it, you’ll never be respected and find you have gotten a dreadful reputation; if you turn them down, they will bad mouth you or worse. Protect yourself from dodgy situations at all times. You are not one of the boys and never will be.
I always thought the harder I partied, the more I’d be respected for the relationship-building aspects, but in reality, as a woman, this always goes against you. Be professional, but keep your distance. You’re their lawyer, not their friend.
That there is more than one way to practice law - and you can do it your way somewhere like gunnercooke - sorry for the plug but it’s true!
My advice to female junior lawyers is threefold.
One, not to get hung up on your life plan. The most interesting people have careers that have meandered, and every role I have filled, good or bad, has given me skills I use today. Take every experience in that vein.
Second: don’t allow others to define what career success looks like to you. If it is right for you, it is success.
Finally, don’t be in too much of a hurry. Take time to enjoy life, reflect, learn, enjoy friends and family and experiment. Even take a few risks. You’ll be glad you did when you reach my age and reflect back.
How about me? What do I wish I’d known when I started out?
My advice can be summed up by the Steve Jobs quote:
“Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact: Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you.”
Other people may seem smarter, especially at first. They will be more confident. They may not talk with a regional accent. They may be better dressed and have more money and connections. But it doesn’t mean they are better. Confident, rich, well-spoken, well-connected, well-dressed lawyers make mistakes too. Or they may lack empathy or emotional intelligence, or other skills which you may have in spades. In many cases, it can be style over substance! Other lawyers won’t always have the unique qualities you have. Find out what your special skills and talents are: what sets you apart from other people? What do your clients like about you? Lean into that.
Believe in yourself. Find as much evidence as you can as to why you were born to have a highly successful career in law. And then go and make it happen!
How about you? What do you wish you’d known when you started out?
Enjoy the rest of the week.
Rachel