Why Selfies are No Longer My Friend
“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
I say “no longer” like selfies and I were ever friends. We weren’t. I could never get the angle right. I could never bring myself to take one in public.
(“Who’s that massive narcissist over there?” I’d imagine people muttering.)
It’s funny, really. At a recent Female Lawyers’ Club drinks in London, we watched two women in a bar taking selfies - full-on, exaggerated poses, utterly unbothered by anyone around them. We admired them. They gave zero shits. And why should they? They looked fabulous.
I’ve never quite felt that level of ease with how I look - especially not in the world of law.
When you look too young to be taken seriously
I’ve never looked the “right” age for my job. In law, looking young doesn’t help. You need to look old enough to give credible advice to clients. For years, I was the one still getting asked for ID when my friends breezed into the bar. A QC, upon finding out I was pregnant, had apparently told my colleague he’d thought I looked about 16. I was 33.
I used to long to look older - more serious, more capable. And now? It’s like I bypassed “just right” and went straight to “looking tired.”
The interstellar ageing effect of parenting through Covid
I’m convinced the ageing process sped up dramatically during COVID. Especially for those of us with young children. It was like that planet in Interstellar, where every hour was a year on Earth. We emerged blinking, exhausted and 20 years older. Meanwhile, child-free people frolicked around us in their well-rested glee.
I caught sight of myself after lockdown and thought: Who is that haggard woman? Spoiler: it was me.
Age has its advantages
But it’s not all bad.
I had a high-stakes meeting recently with three senior directors. They were anxious. The situation was serious. And I reassured them with calm, authoritative advice. I don’t think I could have done that, or at least not with the same confidence, when I was younger.
There’s something powerful about being taken seriously. About people assuming you know what you’re talking about, because you’ve clearly lived through a few things.
Slaying the selfie shame
Still, I’d quite like to look less… tired. It’s not about vanity. I just don’t want to look old. (Can we say that out loud?) A few weeks ago, I finally caved and got my hair dyed professionally for the first time, at the age of 46. I wished I’d done it years ago. I was just being a cheapskate, trying to avoid the spend.
I also did a course recently - named Slay Your Selfies. It taught us how to take flattering photos. I’ll be delivering an abridged version inside Female Lawyers’ Club soon, because we all agreed: it’s useful knowledge. Especially once you hit your 40s, when a good selfie is harder to come by.
Getting old is a privilege
Here’s the thing, though. For all the moaning, I know getting older is a privilege. Not everyone gets to. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to treat my reflection with a little more kindness.
But still - if anyone’s got any foolproof selfie tips, c’mon – spill!
Do you look younger or older than your age? Has it ever impacted your legal career? I’d love to know.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Rachel