Becoming a Likeable Badass in Law
“The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.”
I’ve recently read the book “Likeable Badass” by Alison Fragale and it was filled with great advice for women professionals. It’s about how you can behave in work to get you ahead whilst maintaining your likeability (in other words, how to walk the tightrope that men don’t have to walk).
I first became aware of this tightrope when I read “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg years ago. Sandberg talks about how when women behave assertively at work, they are perceived as less likeable which, in turn, affects their prospects of success in negotiations and their career more generally. When men behave assertively, it does not affect their likeability. The same goes for success: success and likeability are positively correlated for men but negatively correlated for women. Studies have shown that when a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less.
I’ve never read a book specifically devoted to this particular bind until now – hence when I saw the title “Likeable Badass”, I instantly bought it.
I have set out below some takeaways from the book that you can start implementing today to boost your career.
I’ve written a blog about The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane, another useful book for female lawyers. In her book, Cabane talks about how charisma can be learned and practised by showing power and warmth. In an extension of that principle, Fragale talks about how we also need to build our status too (ie how others see you: how much you’re respected, admired and valued).
Fragale thinks that much of the debate has been about increasing women’s power in the workplace, whilst neglecting to think about our status. However, Fragale thinks that power will follow status (“resources follow respect”) so it’s key that we consciously build our status in the places we work.
“It’s key that we consciously build our status in the places we work.”
We can do this by ensuring that people we work with recognise and value our contributions. When we can get others to recognise our value, we will have a much easier time getting what we want. As Fragale memorably quotes digital health strategist Lauren Howard:
“Women really only want three things:
Equal pay
Respect
Pockets”
Demonstrate assertiveness AND warmth:
Fragale emphasizes that likability is not just about being agreeable; it’s about balancing assertiveness with warmth. In a legal career, particularly in a male-dominated environment, confidence is key to projecting authority. But combining it with warmth—whether in client interactions, teamwork, or negotiations—can help build rapport, making female lawyers not just respected, but also trusted.
Speak up about your achievements
Don’t wait for others to notice your hard work. Share your successes in a way that highlights your contributions:
“You are the biggest source of your own press, so you need to make that press as positive as possible.”
Frame your achievements in terms of the benefits they’ve had on the team or the organization.
Break free from perfectionism
In the legal world, perfectionism is often seen as a virtue, but it can also be a hindrance to progress and innovation. Fragale advises women to stop aiming for perfection (which doesn’t exist) and instead focus on making decisions, taking calculated risks, and embracing failure as part of growth.
Ugh, I know. Failure. I’m still getting over my epic fail with my Zoom webinar on 23 October (ironically titled “The Top 5 Career Mistakes Female Lawyers Make”), where quite a few people turned up but weren’t let in. I got it wrong and it was painful (I’m a lawyer. I HATE getting things wrong). But I’m also talking about it on purpose, so junior lawyers can see a senior lawyer fail in public and keep going anyway. To quote the likeable badass and Olympic gold-medal winning footballer Abby Wambach:
“The world needs to see women take risks, fail big, and insist on their right to stick around and try again. And again. And again. A champion never allows a short-term failure to take her out of the long-term game. A woman who doesn’t give up can never lose.”
Recruit an army of “other-promoters”
Fragale points out that other people will tell your story more effectively and efficiently than you can tell it yourself – if other people are singing your praises you won’t face the potential penalty of being seen as boasting.
You need to ensure that as many people have heard of you as possible. Fragale talks about the psychological phenomenon of “mere exposure”: the more we’re exposed to something, the more we like it. Fragale says that we can do this by walking the hallway once a day when we’re in the office and saying hi to as many people as possible.
We can also post on LinkedIn and include our photo (I know, I KNOW! You don’t want to! Neither do I! But Fragale knows what she’s talking about and we all want to get ahead so let’s just get on with it!)
Making sure you always wear your name badge at events can help too, as can including your name on every slide when giving a presentation.
Make “small deposits” in the bank of goodwill with others by helping others out, especially where it doesn’t cost you much. Look for easy ways to add value to others while showcasing our confidence, competence and contributions. A good example of this is if you come across something you find helpful, share it with others. Just like I’m doing with this post! If you think a colleague may appreciate my emails, please do pass them on.
At Female Lawyers’ Club, we’re dedicated to helping women step into leadership roles without sacrificing their wellbeing. Likeable Badass is a great guide for those who want to achieve this balance and, ultimately, have both influence and impact.
Are YOU a likeable badass? How many ways can you be a likeable badass this week? Let me know!
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Rachel