How to cope with a legal career if you’re a worrier (like me)
“I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
Have you ever lain in bed worrying about work? Have you ever had to get OUT of bed to check an email or deadline? Had that heart-stopping moment when you think you sent the wrong attachment, or sent the email to the wrong address?
A legal career can be stressful at the best of times. And if you’re prone to worrying about things, it can quickly become a bit of a nightmare.
I’ve always worried about, well, everything. I actually read Dale Carnegie’s seminal book “How to stop worrying and start living” in my teens to try and improve my mindset (GREAT book by the way. I still remember lots of it 30 years on).
We had a session a few weeks ago in Female Lawyers’ Club where the coach delivering the session was talking about getting things done in an efficient manner. To illustrate a point, she encouraged us to imagine that the worst-case scenario was actually happening. We all visibly recoiled in horror. The worst-case scenario? Well, it’s… pretty bad! For most of us, no one dies, but that’s about all you can say about it! We can get sued. We can get fired. We can get struck off. We can get reported in the Gazette or Legal Cheek! We could lose our jobs and end up not being able to pay our mortgage or rent, and end up homeless and alone. Ok, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.
And so, to my mind, “think of the worst-case scenario” isn’t that helpful, even this is one of the strategies in Dale Carnegie’s book.
So, what can we do instead?
I’ve had to sharpen up my anti-worrying skills recently, with the delightful advent of perimenopause meaning that the anxiety has permanently moved in and made itself at home. So I feel fairly well equipped to talk about this.
Here are my tips, with the obvious caveat that I’m not a medical professional (now THERE’s a career where getting it wrong can lead to very bad things happening…).
How can you survive and even thrive in a legal career if you struggle with anxiety?
Managing your mind is essential. You need to take DAILY action to calm your mind and your nervous system, including meditation and exercise. If you don’t have any time then still do it, just not for very long. Five minutes a day is better than nothing. You can find lots of micro workouts and very short meditations on YouTube. Save them as favourites to save you looking next time. The Calm app has lots of short meditations. I love the Calm app.
Remember that you are not your thoughts. You can step outside your thoughts and observe them, like traffic on a busy road. Watch your thoughts and name them. That can help you to see that they are not real – just thoughts.
Read Women Who Work Too Much by Tamu Thomas – she has some great advice on how to calm your nervous system when you work in a stressful job. Tamu delivered an excellent masterclass in our Membership earlier this year.
I’ve written before about a takeaway from the incredible book The Chimp Paradox by Professor Steve Peters (read the blog here). A helpful thought before any situation, especially one that we’re worried about it: rather than focusing on the outcome, I will focus on doing my best. If things go wrong, then I am an adult human and I can deal with it.
Everything is figureoutable (the title of another helpful book, this time by life coach Marie Forleo) - this helps as it shifts your thinking from “Help! How will I cope?!” to “ok, I can figure this out.” You’re smart enough to be a lawyer. You’re smart enough to figure out pretty much anything life can throw at you. Repeat daily: EVERYTHING is figureoutable.
Prepare things as well as you can in the time available. Then firmly adopt the “I’ve done my best” mindset (see above). Yes, we’re overachievers and we can take preparation to the extreme, but we’re also busy and so there have to be limits.
Use checklists. Whenever you do a task that you know you’ll have to do again, create a checklist as you go and save it for use next time. Add to it every time you think of something else. This will reduce your mental load as you know you can rely on your checklist to remember the key points for you.
Get enough sleep. Yes, I know it’s obvious but it’s also easy to neglect. Studies show that getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep can reduce emotional reactivity and help us handle stress more calmly. According to research, sleep deprivation amplifies the activity in the amygdala, the part of the brain that processes fear and anxiety, by up to 60%!
Use lists and calendar alerts generally, especially if you’re forgetful (thanks again to my pal perimenopause).
Take up a hobby. I hear some of you snorting with derision. Hobby! Who TF has time for a hobby! Yes, I hear you (and partly share your derision) but bear with me. Mine don’t take long, as I’m very busy juggling a full-time job, building a business and raising two children. My hobbies are exercise (the most I can do in the short time available) and reading fiction before I go to bed. Occasionally watching TV. Anything to take your mind off your day job. I always feel awful when I have to work a weekend – I can really feel the difference the following week when I’ve not had any time to recuperate. If you struggle with your mental health and evening and weekend working is a constant fixture at your workplace, it may be time to think about looking for a job elsewhere. Not all firms expect you to do this. You have options.
Join Female Lawyers’ Club Membership. It will REALLY help you to know you’re not alone in feeling like this. You can add your name to the waitlist to join here.
Have you got any tips for managing anxiety in a legal job you can share? Let me know.
Have a great week.
Rachel
Ps If you think this email will help someone else, please send it on to them.