Five Tips for Boosting Charisma and Winning in Your Career
“The reason we’re successful, darling? My overall charisma, of course.”
Who is the most charismatic person you know?
There is an employment KC I know who is delightful. Not only is he extremely clever, he’s also funny, charming and helpful. I’ll never forget an in-person mock tribunal for clients where one of the junior barristers hadn’t made it in to the office. With one phone call, the KC appeared at the office half an hour later and agreed to stand in and “play” the barrister. Our hackneyed script was way beneath this intellectual titan but he still played his part with gusto and charm.
On another occasion, he took all my panicked phone calls over Christmas when I thought I had missed a deadline. He patiently told me what to do and did not give away even the slightest whiff of annoyance at the fact that I’d phoned him so many times. What a dude. And charismatic too. I was a junior lawyer in both these situations but, despite this, he never once talked down to me. Another KC whom my manager instructed was often rude to me and made it clear that he did not appreciate having to deal with, let alone take instructions from, such a junior lawyer. Which made it all the more delightful dealing with the charismatic barrister. To this day, years later, I regularly recommend the charismatic KC to my colleagues.
We can all think of charismatic people, those overflowing with charm who make everyone around them feel good. I’d always thought that those people just had a certain gene and were lucky to have been born with this magical power.
It turns out that I was wrong. The good news is that everyone has the ability to be charismatic. Charisma is a skill, like public speaking and driving a car. With practice, we can increase our charisma and, in so doing, obtain significantly better results in many key areas of our role, such as client meetings, advocacy, networking and team building. In so doing, we’ll increase our overall effectiveness as lawyers and attain higher levels of success.
So says Olivia Fox Cabane in her book, The Charisma Myth. In her book, Cabane dispels the notion that charisma is an inherent trait. Instead, she presents it as a skill that can be developed through deliberate practice.
Cabane says that the two key elements of charisma are warmth and power. Few people are blessed with both these qualities. Humans are programmed to immediately detect if someone represents a friend or foe; a snap judgment that was essential to our survival in ancient times. If we deem that person to be a friend and someone of high status in the group, we’ll instinctively feel drawn and receptive to them. In other words, charisma will open doors for us and get us further in life.
To convey the first component part of charisma, warmth, we must first be fully present when talking to people. None of that looking over your shoulder at a networking event to see if there’s someone more interesting to talk to. As humans, we can detect even the briefest of micro expressions and so if we’re not fully present, our companion will be able to tell. By practicing mindfulness and being fully attentive in each interaction, you can improve your ability to listen actively and respond effectively.
The second component is power. We can project this by demonstrating our confidence through body language, vocal tone, and assertive communication and, in so doing, can significantly impact how others perceive us. We can also dress in such a way that we are more likely to be taken seriously. And remember not to give your power away when writing emails – see my email like a boss guide for a reminder.
Cabane recommends that we keep an eye out for self-doubt and imposter syndrome as they will adversely impact on our ability to convey charisma. We can do this by questioning our negative thoughts, or seeing them as “graffiti on the wall”; something you can just walk past without taking it to heart. Just because you have a negative thought doesn’t mean it’s true.
Above all, Cabane recommends we are most compassionate to ourselves. This is a three-step process. First, by recognising when we are having difficulties. Second, by responding with kindness and understanding to ourselves when we’re feeling inadequate. Third, by remembering that many others are feeling as we do right now; this helps you feel part of a larger human experience rather than isolated. Without self-compassion, our self-criticism will play our across our face and this will defeat any attempt to be charismatic.
Here are five quick ways in which you can boost your charisma today:
1. Be present:
How: Focus entirely on the person you're speaking with. Avoid distractions and give them your full attention.
Why: Presence is a key component of charisma. When you’re fully present, people feel valued and understood, which makes you more charismatic.
2. Adopt a confident posture:
How: Stand or sit up straight, relax your shoulders, and maintain an open stance. Make sure your body language conveys confidence and approachability.
Why: Your body language significantly impacts how others perceive you. A confident posture can make you appear more charismatic and trustworthy.
3. Use warmth and smile:
How: Genuinely smile and use a warm tone of voice when interacting with others.
Why: Warmth helps to create a positive and approachable impression, making people feel comfortable and drawn to you.
4. Practice active listening:
How: Show that you are listening by nodding, making appropriate eye contact, and giving verbal affirmations. Reflect back what the other person has said to show understanding.
Why: Active listening demonstrates that you value what the other person is saying, which fosters a deeper connection and makes you more charismatic.
5. Visualize success:
How: Spend a few minutes each day visualizing yourself succeeding in social interactions. Imagine yourself being confident, relaxed, and engaging.
Why: Visualization can help reduce anxiety and boost your self-confidence, making it easier for you to show charismatic behaviours in real-life situations.
By mastering the art of charisma, you can enhance your effectiveness as a lawyer, improve your professional relationships and advance your career. "The Charisma Myth" provides a comprehensive guide to developing these crucial skills.
Who is the most charismatic person you know? Have you encountered any examples of truly charismatic behaviour in your legal career? I’d love to know!
Enjoy the rest of your week!
~Rachel