Returning from Maternity Leave as a Lawyer – A Guide
“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
When I returned from maternity leave after having each of my two children, there were few people to ask as there were so few senior female lawyers, let alone female lawyers with children, at the firm I worked for at the time. In fact, it’s one of the reasons I set up this community – so that there would be a place for women to give advice, support and encouragement to each other.
I asked my network for their advice and tips and here’s what they said. I’ve added my advice at the end.
Heartfelt thanks to those who contributed – your words may well just be what one woman needs to hear today!
Hold your boundaries. Work will not miss you not spending the evening at the office - your children will! There's an inbuilt pressure to apologise for having to pick children up, go to them when they are sick, prioritise them! Don't create stress for yourself by not setting your stall out from the outset.
Work on your own acceptance that you have restrictions on your time and it will feel different. It's much harder if you are struggling with yourself on acknowledging this and trying to act like you can work in the exact same way. You just can't.
Figure out what works for you and communicate that. So, for me, 5-7pm has to be about the children. I will pick up work in the evenings after they are in bed, but my team know that that doesn't mean they have to do the same - that's just my way of working.
Get help where you can! I get very stressed about the state of the house, the dog etc etc... my cleaner and my dog walker are essential, valuable, amazing people in our lives and I treat them accordingly! Anyone who can relieve the pressure on the bits that send you over an edge are worth their weight in gold!
Some days are a total shit show. You sleep badly. You parent badly. You feel crap at work. You eat junk. You don't move. Accept it. Put some simple things in place to make sure tomorrow is better e.g. Get an early night, get everyone's outfit out before bed, get the breakfast bowls on the table, put something in the slow cooker for tomorrow's tea. Do I do this every day, hell no! But do I pat myself on the back when I do. Yes, I feel like Mum of the year!
Maintain your boundaries and parent openly - it is fine to explain you can’t make a meeting due to childcare pick up/drop off.
Be ruthless with your time at work - do you really need to attend that meeting? Can you delegate?
Balancing work and motherhood is tough, but it’s worth it! Here’s what I’ve learned after returning to work three times.
Exhaustion is normal: it took me 18 months to fully recover, but work helped me regain balance.
Embrace your career: Returning to work provided fulfilment beyond motherhood.
Lean on support: Rely on family and childcare—it makes things easier.
Finances improve: Early struggles are temporary; things will stabilize.
It’s worth it: Both your children and career will bring lasting pride and joy.
Don't be hard on yourself and don't beat yourself up with Mum guilt. Going back to work is not neglecting your baby, it's re-creating your personal identity.
I think it's important to be gentle with yourself if your professional ambitions have changed a little (maybe temporarily, maybe long-term). Just as most of us don't have a six pack within a few weeks of giving birth, expecting yourself to "snap back" into work mode immediately when you return from a life-changing experience may not be realistic. Obviously, some people return absolutely raring to go - but if you're contending with nursery illnesses, lack of sleep and a huge adjustment in your family life, it might take a while to get up to full speed.
Don’t put yourself under loads of pressure from day one to have nailed the balance. It will take a few months to ease in and get the right balance, but that time is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Be prepared for lots of nursery-related illnesses in the first few months and if you can have a support network around you to be available to pick up or be at home to help, then that’s ideal. But if you don’t have a support network, then don’t be hard on yourself - your employer and clients will understand.
Be open about being a working parent - you’ll be helping yourself and others by being open, loud and proud about it.
You’ll have brilliant days and not so brilliant days. When children are very small - they don’t remember if you were late to pick them up or if you had to do a call from the car. I did once attempt a client call in the car with my (then) 14 month old which was a disaster as he screamed the whole time (the child, not the client).
Trust in yourself and what you’ve achieved so far - having gone through having a baby and dealing with a newborn etc, remember you are superwoman - you can literally do anything if you’ve through that!
You are not 'abandoning' your child when you return to work. Be kind to yourself - you are doing an incredible job balancing so much. None of us have it all figured out; we are all learning as we go. I didn’t know specialised coaches for lawyers returning from maternity leave existed, but if it’s within your means, invest in one. I would have if I had known about them.
Where to start... outsource domestic stuff as much as you can (although the mental load of organising that needs factoring in). Try to set some boundaries. Put drop off and pick up in your diaries - we make up the time and some. Right at the beginning maybe a phased return to allow for settling at nursery/refresh training at work etc.
Be kind to yourself. Accept your priorities may have shifted and that you might need to arrange things a little differently (and that it is OK).
Ask for what you need to be able to contribute the best of what you have to give.
Don't be a martyr or feel you have to sacrifice everything for work - be bold and explore what is going to work best for you.
All of the technical aspects that you worry you will have forgotten will come back quicker than you think. What might come as a surprise is that basic skills previously taken for granted such as concentration, organisation, memory (!) can take a little while to return if you haven't practised them for a year or so - so go easy on yourself and don't expect too much too quickly.
I've done it three times. Here’s what I found:
I loved having some time to myself, wearing nice clothes, the joy of a hot coffee and reading on my commute.
It took a while for my brain to re-engage and to feel like I fit in again.
Always leave the office 5 mins before you feel you need to. Transport delays cause the most stress.
Have frank conversations about finances early - the more maternity leaves you have, the more savings dwindle and the more you’re hit returning with increasing childcare - double/triple nursery or pay-rises for nannies. Who/how are you paying for that. But have confidence that returning is a good idea and those savings will ultimately be replenished! 💸
Frank conversations about the mental load and division of labour. As a mum, you’ll likely always be the default parent and many will want to be. So there needs to be an acceptance from everyone that it is hard and other spinning plates will be dropped!
But most importantly, talk loudly about how much you love your kids and you love your work - it’s worth it, it’s joyful, it’s finally a true “purpose” - share positive stories and have a growth mindset. Role model that it’s doable. You’ll soon find a crowd of likeminded motivated parents.
Make sure you have backup childcare options in mind, including friends who can grab your child from nursery if you have transport issues en route home.
Do not apologise for having to schedule meetings around commuting to / from nursery, bedtimes, etc. It can be hard to at first to hold your boundaries, but the majority of people will be completely understanding.
Give yourself some grace. You don’t need to do everything all at once, and perfection doesn’t need to be the enemy of good.
Where you can, try to carve out 20-30 minutes a day which are just for you.
Keep your weekends free, as much as you can for the first few months. You'll need time to relax and recover. Use some of that time on the weekend to get organised and prepared for the week ahead e.g. meal plan, washing etc.
If you have a partner, please split the chores and life admin.
Take your opportunities to exercise when you can, even if it's only 20 mins.
There is so much great advice here.
It can feel really nerve-wracking to return to work after having a baby – you’re not sure if you’ll remember anything useful. But you will – it will all come back in time.
Being a parent greatly improved my time management skills. Before kids, I would regularly stay late in the office to finish off my work but, after returning from maternity leave, I made sure I got it all done in working hours. I became ruthlessly efficient at what was really necessary in the job.
The joy of having a smart work bag which is clean and not filled with baby things should not be underestimated.
Get a cleaner. Don’t be a hero. There are no medals for doing it all yourself.
People have spoken about the guilt and yes, it feels horrible to leave your baby for the first time in order to go to work. However, it’s only you that will be affected by this, whatever the Daily Mail might have you believe – your child is being well-cared for and will be very happy playing with his or her new little friends! You, on the other hand, will remember the heart-wrenching pull forever.
Going back to work after maternity leave is a big change and like all changes, it can be tricky to navigate. However, this brief period of difficulty is the price we pay for the enormous privilege of having children and a career, which is not afforded to everyone (the children or the career).
My children are 12 and 9 and are lovely, happy kids. They don’t remember Mum going into the office every day, as I did when they were tiny. They don’t remember that I watched videos of their first steps on my phone as I wasn’t there as they happened. They see me doing a well-paid and interesting job that I like, and they are proud that their Mum is a lawyer.
As someone else has said, hang on in there. It will be worth it.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Rachel