No Time for Golf
Are you a boundary boss? Or does the word “yes” fall out of your mouth before you’ve even had chance to think?
My boundaries have historically been porous in the extreme. I rarely said no to anything as I hated disappointing people, even a tiny bit. As women we are socialized (and often expected) to say yes and help people, and it can be very hard for us to refuse a request, even when our plates are already overflowing.
Meeting the Beyoncé of the Legal World
As Lady Hale (the former president of the Supreme Court herself) pointed out, we now have a Lady Chief Justice, Sue Carr. Yes, the most senior judge in England and Wales is a woman. Not called David but she did go to Cambridge. Being the first woman to head up the judiciary since the inception of the role in the 13th century is no small feat.
Also - doesn’t the fact that I can work mainly from home as a solicitor whilst being able to do all these other things show how far we’ve come? I no longer have to choose.
How I got networking all wrong
I was usually the last to arrive, having left work late trying to finish an urgent piece of work, and then struggling to figure out where on earth the event was being held. Speed-walking round the block a few times before realising I’d walked past the correct entrance 10 minutes ago.
I’d turn up, grab a drink from the nearest waiter and hope for the best, awkwardly crowbarring my way into conversations with the social finesse of a toddler on their first day at play group.
I’d grab one of the free snacks as I’d not eaten and didn’t want to drink wine on an empty stomach, only to worry I’d accidentally spit out the food in the face of the person I was chatting to.
I had no idea who anyone was.
Honestly, it’s a miracle I have a career at all.
How to Deal with a Nightmare Boss
Unfortunately, working with difficult people is sometimes part of the job of being a lawyer. I think the law can attract people with inflated egos or twisted personalities who like to psychologically stamp on others. These types may well bill large amounts and their managers are unwilling to take action against them as a result. Or your firm may otherwise have a very hands-off approach to HR issues, leaving you to get on with it or leave.
If you’re in that scenario at the moment, I’m sorry. I know it’s really hard. I’ve encountered a few bullies in my career and I know how tough it can be. This will pass, I promise.
How to Never feel Nervous Again
You can never guarantee what will happen, or what you will achieve in a particular situation. If you tether your confidence on a particular outcome, you will always feel uneasy as you’ll forever be worrying about the threat of failure.
You can however guarantee to make your best effort. Therefore, if you choose the basis of best effort, you will have full control. You will see life as full of opportunities and you can feel confident knowing that you can deal with the consequences. Just like that…poofff! The fear is gone!