Did You Ask Nicely?
Studies have shown that there are social sanctions for women who ask for more money that do not apply for men. This is because women are breaking gender norms - the norms that they should be grateful for what they are given. For women of colour, the sanctions are stronger.
The advice given by some quarters to counteract this is to “ask nicely”. To adopt a friendly social style. To lean in and smile whilst asking in a friendly tone for what you want.
Smile, but not too much.
How to Deal with a Nightmare Boss
Unfortunately, working with difficult people is sometimes part of the job of being a lawyer. I think the law can attract people with inflated egos or twisted personalities who like to psychologically stamp on others. These types may well bill large amounts and their managers are unwilling to take action against them as a result. Or your firm may otherwise have a very hands-off approach to HR issues, leaving you to get on with it or leave.
If you’re in that scenario at the moment, I’m sorry. I know it’s really hard. I’ve encountered a few bullies in my career and I know how tough it can be. This will pass, I promise.