How to say no without everyone hating you
I know from speaking to female lawyers that saying no is something many of us struggle with. It’s not easy, after all, to switch off a lifetime of conditioning to be a “good girl” and trying to please everyone. Most of us are conscientious types who want to do well and the unfortunate corollary of this can sometimes be that we say yes to too many things.
There are many situations in which a female lawyer may be asked to do something she doesn’t want to do, or that isn’t in her interests to agree to. People have written whole books about how to tackle this. However, for today, I want to share a quick tip on saying no which I’ve found really helpful – it allows you to protect your boundaries and your relationship with the person requesting at the same time. Win!
I wasn’t expecting this…
Kindness is, after all, very much not a prerequisite for working in a law firm. Indeed, I suspect it would be actively frowned upon by certain members of the profession.
And yet…
What will we remember when we reach the end of our careers?
Yes, of course, we’ll remember the highs and lows of a career in a highly competitive (and occasionally dramatic) profession.
But won’t we remember most of all the times when we were treated with kindness in a profession where it can be in somewhat short supply?
The No Club
There may be male lawyers reading this who’ll say “I’ve done loads of this type of thing over the years!” To which I say, good for you! I’ve just rarely seen this myself in my 20 year career.
The real problem of non-promotable work is that it’s, well, non-promotable. You’ll spend the same time doing the work as you could have spent doing chargeable work that counts towards your annual targets i.e. things the promotion committee actually care about.
When is the best time to have a baby in your legal career?
This is a bit of a loaded subject. However, it’s one that male lawyers don’t need to think about to the same degree and so it’s definitely one for the Female Lawyers’ Club to discuss.
I’ve set out my thoughts, plus those of seven female lawyer friends who have kindly contributed.
Will I ever know enough?
I was acutely conscious at the beginning of how little I knew. How was I supposed to advise people and appear competent given my lack of knowledge and experience? Like learning to drive, my journey into law took a while.