Will I ever know enough?
…or, that time I drove into a ditch…
Learning to drive took me AGES.
I. Just. Couldn’t. Do. It.
One blazing hot day, driving back from Preston, I remember accidentally driving into a ditch by the side of the road. As we sat there, my instructor told me I was one of the worst people he’d ever taught. Charming!
In fact, I lost so much confidence after that episode, I went away and let ten years go by before I got back behind the wheel. At that point, rapidly approaching the end of my twenties with no driving licence in sight, I bought a second-hand Vauxhall Corsa and asked my boyfriend Ben for help. He kindly sat in everywhere we went as I practised driving. Even then, with me driving us both everywhere and countless paid lessons on top, it was around 18 months before I finally passed my test. Now, 15 years later, I happily drive around without even thinking about it.
I faced a similar problem when starting out as a lawyer. I didn’t end up in a ditch (not literally, anyway), but I did struggle at first. I was acutely conscious at the beginning of how little I knew. How was I supposed to advise people and appear competent given my lack of knowledge and experience?
Like learning to drive, my journey into law took a while.
After university, without any formal plan in mind, I started working as an admin assistant, filing and making cups of tea. I progressed to an insurance paralegal role, and after a while, begged my firm for a training contract. They kindly agreed, and I did the legal practice course at night whilst working full time as a paralegal during the day. I moved from insurance into employment law on the second year of my training contract and have done this ever since.
Somewhat unwisely, my boss asked me (*pushed me through the door kicking and screaming*) to do full employment tribunal hearings despite my very junior status and the fact that I hadn’t even done my LPC (including the employment module) yet. I am conscientious and try to do everything well. But how do you do well when your knowledge of employment law could be written on the back of a post-it note? I would pester the 2-year PQE employment solicitor for help, which he very kindly gave. He seemed so wise and knowledgeable. On reflection, he probably didn’t know all that much given his limited experience; yet, compared to me, he was the oracle.
Me in 2003, laughing at being asked to do my own advocacy
A few years later, I was told by another firm I worked at that I had to do my own advocacy on a particularly difficult case. By this stage, I had a couple of years’ PQE and yet the thought of representing someone at a four-day indirect sex discrimination case filled me with horror. I read and re-read as much as I could on the subject but still felt completely out of my depth: how on earth was I supposed to know whether requiring my client to work after 4pm was a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim?
In the end, after sobbing in the office, the supervising partner begrudgingly relented and said I didn’t have to do it. I trudged out of the office, embarrassed and also relieved that I would not have to display my complete ignorance and incompetence to a tribunal-full of people.
So how does it feel now, as someone who qualified as a solicitor in June 2004, and has solely practised in employment law for 20 years? To be honest, it feels great! I have the confidence of someone who has seen a huge number of cases run from start to finish. Of course I don’t know everything, but I am fairly confident I know most of the things that I need to know, and I know where to look up the things that I don’t know.
I wish I could go back to Trainee Rachel and tell her this.
(I can’t, so I’m telling you instead! Please pass this on to any junior lawyers you know who may benefit from reading this)
Keep going. It gets a lot easier.
All you can do is your best. This will probably include a fair amount of reading around the subject in your spare time, in order to get to the stage where you are competent to talk about a subject even superficially. But that’s a valuable investment of time that you’ll continue to use for the remainder of your career, so it’s worth it.
Clients know and understand that you’re junior and that you won’t know everything. That’s ok – it’s why your hourly rate is lower than senior lawyers’. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have a valuable contribution to make. You may spot something that others miss, you may have a sunny disposition that the client really appreciates during a difficult time, you may have a younger person’s viewpoint which provides an alternative insight which others will benefit from hearing.
If you don’t know something when asked a direct question, it is absolutely fine (and in fact preferable) to say you don’t know but will find out and come back to the client. Don’t guess, as this will reflect badly on you if you later have to correct your own advice!
Ask senior lawyers for help, as often as you need to. This may well be multiple times a day, so ask them how they’d prefer to answer your queries: do they want you to save them up or are they happy to answer them as and when? They may be patient and they may not; there are always those people who drive up the bumper of learner drivers, honking their horn – there’s not much you can do about those people. If your supervisor falls within this category, try and find a nice person to ask instead, either in or outside of your firm. We all have to start somewhere.
Don’t worry if you don’t know everything. You won’t – that’s just a fact of life. Accept that this will involve some less-than-ideal situations and know that this is just a moment in time; it won’t last forever. Working as a lawyer involves the slow acquisition of knowledge and experience, like having a savings account at the bank. Every day you’re paying into the bank and increasing your investments. One day, your knowledge and experience will be worth a significant amount of money and you’ll always have it to fall back on, no matter what else happens in your life. As a woman, this is so important.
Many studies have shown the clear benefits of avoiding a fixed mindset (“I don’t know anything and am a terrible lawyer”) and instead adopting a growth mindset (“I may not know everything yet but I’m learning and developing my knowledge every day”). High performers have a growth mindset. This includes you!
So on those days where everything goes wrong, take heart. We’ve all been there, like those poor learner drivers who stall at a roundabout with a long line of cars behind them. It gets SO much easier and it will be worth it in the long run.
How about you? Are you starting out and feeling the pain of being a noob (as my 11-year-old gamer son would say)? Or are you further down the line and can look back on that time with a wry smile? Have you ever driven into a ditch? (or maybe that last one really is just me). I’d love to know! Hit reply and tell me.
Me, last week in Grizedale. That hill, much like a career in law, was worth the climb.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
- Rachel