When is the best time to have a baby in your legal career?
This is a bit of a loaded subject. However, it’s one that male lawyers don’t need to think about to the same degree and so it’s definitely one for the Female Lawyers’ Club to discuss.
I’ve set out my thoughts, plus those of seven female lawyer friends who have kindly contributed.
First, I realise that not everyone is able to have a baby and that this leads to a different, sometimes unwelcome, path. I know a few people who have been on a difficult fertility journey which ended in a baby in some cases, and not in others. Hence this is a very painful subject for some people.
I also realise that many people don’t want kids, which is perfectly fair enough.
Everyone’s situation is different, and this includes their relationship status, sexuality, finances, where they live, where they work, personal upbringing, life experiences to date, property and mortgage status, all of which can impact on the decision to have children. This is so much the case that some may say it is pointless to give any sort of advice on such a highly personal issue. I would agree with this! However, as there seems to be little discussion of this topic in the public space (perhaps as it is such a loaded subject, what with its likely significant impact on your career, finances etc), I thought it may help to hear some viewpoints.
From my perspective, up until recently, I followed a fairly traditional route. I qualified at age 25, got married at age 30, was promoted to Senior Associate at around 6 years’ PQE when I was 31, had my first child at age 33, my second child on my 36th birthday, got promoted to Legal Director at age 39, then Partner at age 42. I didn’t necessarily plan to do it this way but am glad it happened the way it did.
I no longer work at a traditional firm, working on a self-employed fee share basis at Gunnercooke LLP. This in my experience has meant that I can be much more flexible with my working hours, as I no longer have targets to meet, whether chargeable or otherwise. The downside to this model of course is the fact that I would not have received any maternity pay had I been self-employed whilst having children. So there is an obvious trade off. I think my route has worked well, although I would have benefitted from more flexible/remote working earlier in my career when I had to get on a packed commuter train five days a week whilst heavily pregnant. Flexibility is way more common across firms now and so this thankfully seems to be less of an issue.
For me, having children was more important than anything else. I knew that it would be the biggest regret of my life if it didn’t happen. Many people are more ambivalent and can adopt more of a “what will be, will be” attitude.
You may well be able to have both promotion to a very senior level (with the associated financial benefits) as well as children. At some firms, given the high pressures of working at that level, you will have to choose between kids or career or be able to pay for a lot of childcare (or have a partner who can work fewer hours to care for your family).
If you’re unsure, visualise yourself at age 90. What were the things that you loved doing most in life? Did children factor, or were you out having other adventures? Older You may have some words of wisdom to share.
Now let’s see what my friends have to say.
“There is no “best time” to have a baby. This is life, and there is only so much you can actually plan.
- From the moment you decide that you would like to have a baby, you embark on a journey full of uncertainties. How long will it take to conceive? How will your pregnancy evolve? Will you suffer a miscarriage? When and how will your baby be born? And how will you cope with being a parent? What are your options when returning to work? What do you want to get out of your career?
- It took me and my husband more than 4 years to conceive our first child, so by the time I got pregnant I couldn’t care less about how it would impact my career, or anything else really. I was finally going to be a mother and anything else became less important.
- I have had three children (and one miscarriage) whilst being a lawyer. I was very lucky to work in a very supportive team and I was able to make my own choices when it came to the duration of my maternity leave and whether to return part-time or full-time. I took around 8 months of maternity leave with each child, and I have cherished the time I got to spend with my babies, and I don’t feel that it impacted my career in any way. I realise however that not everyone receives this much support in their place of work.
- I believe that there is no “best time” to have a baby, and there are no right or wrong decisions in this context. There are arguments to be made for having children young so you can “get it out of the way” (spoiler: it won’t get “out of the way”, you will always be a mother, and your children will always need you in one way or another), or to have your children at a later stage so you can have your career “on track” before becoming a mother. Whatever decision you make and whatever life throws at you during your journey into motherhood, you will deal with it. And it will work out for you, even though it may be hard sometimes and not go according to plan.”
“There is no right time!
When I was just starting out in my career, my life wasn’t in a stable enough place where I could have contemplated having children,. Even if it was, I would have been concerned about falling behind my peers or missing out on vital opportunities at such an early stage in my career.
I started considering children when I was around 3 years’ qualified. At that stage I’d been promoted to Associate and my life was settling down a bit, but when I looked around at senior women, I couldn’t see any senior women modelling a way of being a successful, high achieving lawyer and managing a family. I can only talk from the experiences that I saw at the firms I was at, but it appeared to me that if you were a woman in senior role and you wanted to have children, your options were to either choose not to become Partner or to become Partner, work full time and get a nanny. And whilst I’m not throwing any shade on either of those options, they weren’t options that I wanted for me. Maybe I’ve been mis-sold the dream that you can have it all, but I wanted to be a part time working Partner who had time to look after my children!
At that stage I started to look at other options and after some work found the consultancy model. The consultancy model offers so much more flexibility that I can now see a way to balance being both a senior solicitor and a mum. I now just have the question of when is the right time to take a break from my business that I’ve worked so hard to build up to have a baby?! And what do I do about maternity pay?!
To go back to the start, I don’t think that there is a right time! I’ve now decided to just make the decision based on what works for me and my partner and my working life will have to slot in around it!”
“I would say there is no “good time”. However it does help, as a professional, if you have had a chance to establish yourself as someone competent and valuable to the firm first.
The truth is that a firm is more likely to be accommodating to you (in terms of flexible working and a smooth return to the workplace) if your clients are keen to have you back and the firm perceives the value in retaining you. I also think it makes a difference to your confidence.
Going forward, having a modicum of control over your movements and your diary is vital when you have young children; another reason why being more senior can be a help rather than a hindrance to a working mum. That is my experience anyway.”
“Having a baby young was frowned upon when I was at school/uni. Perhaps the generation above were realists and knew careers stopped when a baby arrived: once you got married you stopped work! (this view/message was also exacerbated by Catholic School teaching too)
Even after qualifying in 2004, the accepted position was don’t get pregnant until you’ve secured your place in the team and promotion. My first pregnancy was not long after getting senior associate. I was 31ish. When I came back to work in 2010 the entitlement to contractual maternity pay required a four-year gap between returning and going off again - shocking! This really factored into contemplating another baby and I marked in my future calendar when I could possibly get pregnant. That gap was reduced to two years, thankfully, so I had a three year gap between babies. That was still too restrictive for many, especially for those whose fertility was statistically time-limited after age 35, even earlier for others…
Do I think having babies in my 30s was right, in the period when you can advance and increase your pay? Probably, but I’m not 100% sure. There is a benefit to having children earlier in your career and life; you’ll get to your mid-thirties, at 10 year PQE, having done the sleepless nights and school runs so you can focus on career, and building a pension at a higher salary.
I might I have done it differently, but probably not. The stars align, people mature and finances allow at different times for different people. I’m not sure if there is a right time. If you’re lucky enough to choose when to have a baby (so few are) and the time is right for you…that’s good enough and you can continue and adapt your career aspirations to suit your individual needs.”
Me and Lydia in 2015
“This is a really difficult question for me to answer. Because it took us so long to conceive (8 years) I honestly genuinely can't get my head around the concept of choosing or planning a time for a baby.....
My experience was that the trials and distress of infertility took my focus away from career progression and since having the boys, my primary motivation has always been towards family rather than my career, as the children were so hard won.
I have still moved forward and sought development and promotion but only as far as is comfortable for me to be able, on the whole, to still prioritise my home life. I know some people are able to pursue both aspects of life but I'm not that capable!”
“The best time to have a baby for me was later on.
I had my little boy when I was 41. I’m now 43 and he is 21 months old.
Most of my friends who are my age in the law are all partners. So they've all established their career. They've got financial freedom and they are very self-assured and know who they are as people.
I'm very fit and healthy. I do long distance running. I still feel like I'm 21.
Having a baby later in life has meant that we’ve not been as impacted by the financial pressures because we've been able to establish ourselves. We’re also a lot more patient.
And childcare was a huge factor. The only way I could see it being possible before was to drop my hours.
I was surrounded in work by working mothers who were run ragged, trying to do well in their careers whilst also trying to be supermum at the same time. They seemed to have a lot of mum guilt. I didn't want to be a part of that. I didn't want a situation whereby I would have to drop my baby off at childcare early in the morning, hurry to work, do as much as I could and leave to pick up my baby and then have a snatched half hour at home before the baby went to bed. That did not appeal to me or my husband.
Then the COVID pandemic hit, and the marathons were cancelled. My training was put on hold and allowed my body to slow down. I no longer had to get on the 7.15 crammed train to work! And we were finally able to have the baby we’d been trying for since I was 36.
Life slowed down for everybody. Before then, it was frowned on to work from home. When working from home became the new norm, childcare became easier. I now share childcare with my husband, my mum and dad and my sister who lives next door but one. They come round to collect him as I am working from home, so it works really well.”
“After getting married I long pondered when would be the “best time” to have a baby, and one of my main considerations was when would this fit “best” into my legal career.
Being ambitious and wanting to progress at the Firm I trained at I was keen to maintain momentum in my legal career and was concerned about the impact having a year off work would have on my career progression. I waited until I had had been promoted to a fairly senior level and then made the decision to have a family. Both personally and professionally that worked well for me and my family, but in truth I don’t think there is a “best time” professionally to have a baby.
If you have a family towards the start of your legal career you have a clear uninterrupted run at career progression when you return from maternity leave. There’s also less pressure at that stage of your more junior career in terms of responsibility which makes adjusting to having a family life and juggling work perhaps a little easier.
If you have a family later like me then maternity leave can stall progression at the senior level of your career, at a time when the client connections you have made (and want to maintain) are in all likelihood most important. However, in my experience, whilst taking time away from work (especially the full entitlement to maternity leave) seems like a long period of time, in reality it does go quickly and it is surprising how quickly you can settle back into the workplace and rebuild those existing client relationships. With the benefit of keeping in touch days it’s also nice to use those for client development to maintain those contacts.
One thing I will say is, whilst I am proud of the accomplishments I have achieved during my legal career, my biggest achievement and the one I am most proud of is my children.”
What do you think? Is there a best time to have a baby within the context of a legal career? I’d love to know your thoughts.
Have a wonderful week.
~ Rachel