Why Female Lawyers Should Buy Themselves the F*ing Lilies
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.”
There’s something powerful about finally deciding to put yourself first. If you’re a female lawyer juggling client demands, endless emails, and the expectation to ‘just get on with it,’ you probably don’t take much time for yourself. The book “Buy Yourself the F*ing Lilies” by Tara Schuster is a wake-up call: self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
This book isn’t your typical ‘bubble bath and candles’ self-care guide. It’s about taking radical ownership of your life, setting boundaries, and learning that prioritising yourself makes you better at everything—including your legal career. If you’re a chronic people-pleaser like me, I think you’ll find this really helpful.
I’ve set out below how the book’s key lessons can help you succeed in law, without burning out.
Stop waiting for permission to treat yourself well
One of the biggest takeaways from the book is that you don’t need anyone’s permission to prioritise your own wellbeing. The author talks about how she used to live in survival mode, believing she had to constantly prove her worth. Sound familiar? Many female lawyers feel like they must work harder than everyone else to ‘deserve’ success.
The reality? You ALREADY deserve it. Start small—buy yourself the flowers, take the lunch break, log off when your work is done. No one is handing out medals for burnout.
Reparenting yourself: stop being your own worst critic
Schuster introduces the concept of ‘reparenting’—learning to take care of yourself with kindness and compassion. Many female lawyers have an internal voice that tells them they’re not good enough, smart enough, or experienced enough. That voice is a liar.
If a friend spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still be friends? Probably not. It’s time to rewrite that inner dialogue. Instead of ‘I should have done more,’ try ‘I did my best with what I had today.’ That shift alone can make an enormous difference in your confidence and performance.
Ditch perfectionism—it’s holding you back
Perfectionism is often seen as a virtue in law, but in reality, it’s a form of self-sabotage. Schuster learned this the hard way, and she shares how letting go of perfectionism allowed her to thrive.
That being said, there’s a reason so many female lawyers struggle with it—our legal work does need to be precise. Mistakes can cost clients millions, and attention to detail is critical.
But perfectionism doesn’t have to extend to everything. Your contracts and legal documents may need to be airtight, but your LinkedIn post, internal emails, or spoken contributions in meetings don’t. You don’t have to meticulously plan every word before sending an internal email. You don’t have to wait until you feel completely ‘ready’ before going for that promotion. Recognising where excellence is required—and where ‘good enough’ really is good enough—will free you from unnecessary stress and overwork.
Create rituals that nourish you
The book highlights the importance of small, daily rituals that help you feel grounded. In the fast-paced world of law, it’s easy to go through the day reacting rather than intentionally choosing how you spend your time.
What if you started your day with five minutes of meditation or journaling instead of immediately checking emails? Or ended the workday with a short walk instead of collapsing onto the sofa with Netflix and exhaustion? Tiny habits compound over time, leading to big changes in how you feel and function.
You don’t have to be in survival mode forever
Schuster’s story is one of transformation—from barely surviving to thriving. She went from an overworked, anxiety-ridden TV executive who numbed herself with unhealthy habits to someone who rebuilt her life through intentional self-care, boundary-setting, and self-compassion. And the truth is, you don’t have to stay in survival mode either. You deserve a career that’s fulfilling, pays well, and allows you to have a life outside of work.
So go buy yourself the f*ing lilies—or whatever small act of self-care reminds you that you are worth it. Because when you take care of yourself, you don’t just survive in your career—you thrive.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Rachel