A List of People I Have Envied
“Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.”
I was thinking the other day about all the people I’ve envied over the years… and I ended up getting a bit carried away. Here’s an extract of my list.
People with nice houses.
Lawyers who got promoted before I did.
Pregnant women (before I had kids).
People with nice designer handbags (I know it's materialistic but, well, I like nice things. Bucket list is a Chanel bag).
People who are confident whilst also clearly nice (aka likable badasses).
People with nice cars.
People who are naturally funny.
People who go on very nice holidays.
People who can wear bright red lipstick without it wearing them.
People who generally seem to have their sh*t together.
People who know a lot of law (when I was starting out, I CRAVED this. I absolutely hated not knowing anything. Hence why I wrote "when will I know enough?"
People with Glastonbury tickets (even if, in reality, I would probably hate it. I couldn’t deal with the loos, to start with. And then the lack of sleep. In fact, scratch this one).
People whose parents own properties abroad so they get free annual holidays.
People who glide around social events talking to everyone effortlessly.
People who feel financially safe.
Posh people with the easy assurance of their class.
People who look cool.
People who understand economics.
People who can sing really well.
People who travel first class as a matter of course.
People who live near the sea.
People who started saving at 21 and are now millionaires thanks to the magic of compound interest. (If you’re under 30, go set up an automatic savings transfer right now. Future You—lounging on a yacht in the Seychelles—will thank me.)
People with dogs (I want a dog but I'm scared it will push me over the edge in terms of things for me to deal with. I’m already spinning way too many plates).
People who can improvise on piano or guitar (I learned classical guitar to grade 7 but could never improvise).
People who get given the Liberty Advent Calendar by their husband at Christmas (Rachel Y, I'm looking at you).
Book authors.
People whose kids developed at the normal rate.
Brits who speak fluent French (my two sisters do. I only did A Level French, like a loser). Or any other foreign language for that matter. And as for those who speak multiple languages…don’t even talk to me.
People who like coffee (I never did acquire the taste and remain an eternal child in the daytime drinks department. It's just not the done thing to ask for Ribena or diet Coke in a meeting, is it? And so I pretend to be a normal adult human by asking for just water).
People who have an “investment portfolio”.
People who can eat whatever they like without gaining weight (is it just me, or does it rankle anyone else when Claudia Winkleman talks about her disdain for doing exercise, whilst being TINY? Love her, obviously, but have some awareness, Claudia - we don’t go to the gym for the laugh…!).
Good dancers.
People who can speak confidently and authoritatively about wine (my friends Sian and Christine).
People who live in London and get to see all the best shows before they send the slightly shoddier versions up North.
People who have strong eyeliner game (I never did get the hang of it).
People who have tidy partners (passive aggressive swipe at husband in the remote chance he may read this and have a Damascene conversion).
REALLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE. Whatever that means.
Okay, I’ll admit that this list definitely spiralled somewhat. Sorry. I've realised I've outed myself as a rampantly materialistic and deeply weird person with no filter, but let's go with it.
There are lessons here.
For me, not you!
You need to write your own list.
Sit down for 10 minutes and write a list of people you’ve envied - past and present. No filter, no judgment.
Go on, it's fun!
And once you’ve written it, have a closer look at what your list might be telling you about your own life.
The first and obvious thing to note is to be careful about comparing our behind the scenes with other people’s highlight reels. We can never know what’s going on for other people. We may think they have it all together but inside they may be falling apart.
Whilst we don’t like to admit to feeling envy, here’s the truth: everyone experiences it at some point, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, envy can be a powerful teacher if we let it.
For female lawyers, the competitive nature of our profession can sometimes amplify feelings of envy. Whether it’s seeing a colleague land a promotion, watching someone else achieve work-life balance with apparent ease, or comparing ourselves to curated highlights on social media, envy can sidle in unexpectedly. But instead of viewing it as a negative emotion, what if we saw envy as a guide?
Envy as a compass
Envy often points us toward something we deeply desire but haven’t yet achieved. It can be a signal from your inner self, highlighting areas where you want to grow or changes you want to make in your life.
For example:
If you feel envious of a colleague who’s been promoted, it might indicate a desire for more recognition or responsibility in your own career. I know I’ve definitely had this at various points in my career.
If you envy someone’s ability to balance their career and family life, it might mean you need to set stronger boundaries or prioritise self-care.
Instead of letting envy spiral into negativity, use it as a starting point for reflection.
Ask yourself:
What does this feeling tell me about what I want?
What steps can I take to move closer to that?
Turning envy into action
Here’s how you can transform envy into a positive force in your life:
Acknowledge it without judgment
The first step is to recognize and name the feeling without shaming yourself for it. Envy is a normal human emotion; the key is how you respond to it.Identify the root cause
Take a moment to dig deeper. What exactly are you envious of? Is it someone’s success, confidence, or lifestyle? Pinpointing the source helps you understand your own desires better.Reframe your perspective
Instead of seeing someone else’s success as a reminder of what you don’t have, view it as evidence of what’s possible. If they can do it, so can you.Take inspired action
Use envy as motivation to set goals and create a plan to achieve them. Want to improve your skills? Enrol in a course. Want more balance? Start small by carving out an hour a week for yourself. Turn envy into a catalyst for growth.
The role of gratitude
While envy highlights what you want, gratitude grounds you in what you already have. Balancing these two emotions can prevent envy from taking over. Take a moment each day to reflect on your achievements, no matter how small. Celebrate your wins and remind yourself of how far you’ve come.
Why this matters
Envy, when understood and harnessed, can be a tool for self-discovery and progress. It shines a light on areas of your life where you’re yearning for change and gives you the opportunity to grow. For female lawyers, this mindset is especially empowering. It shifts the narrative from competition to inspiration, helping us focus on our own paths rather than comparing ourselves to others.
So, the next time envy creeps in, don’t push it away—listen to it. Ask yourself: What is this teaching me?
Because sometimes, the things (or people) we envy the most are actually signposts pointing us toward the life we truly want.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Rachel