Let Them
“People who repeatedly attack your confidence and self-esteem are quite aware of your potential, even if you are not.”
I know that some of you like receiving book recommendations from me, because you’ve kindly told me so. Well today, I’ve a belter for you. In fact, I’m going all in and will call it the best self-development book I will read all year. And it’s only February!
This one is by the highly successful US author and podcaster Mel Robbins. Mel appeared on Oprah’s new podcast. And not only did Oprah interview Mel, she went one further and described her book, The Let Them Theory, as “one of the best self-help books she’d ever read.”
Ok, now I’m listening.
You know I love self-development books. It’s like a free (or very low cost) upgrade to your own life with little effort.
And if Oprah says it’s one of the best…I’m in.
It’s quite a long book and, because I knew the premise, I questioned whether I actually needed to read it. Could I not just keep repeating “let them” in every situation and skip reading it?
Turns out – no. Well, you can just do this, but you’ll be missing out on lots of solid gold nuggets about how to live life like a boss whilst avoiding perfectionism and people-pleasing.
What is The Let Them Theory?
At its heart, The Let Them Theory is about releasing the need to control other people’s actions, opinions, or decisions. Robbins argues that many of us waste precious time and energy trying to manage how others perceive us or behave towards us.
The solution?
Let them.
Let them think what they want.
Let them behave how they choose.
Let them make their own mistakes.
This doesn’t mean we stop caring, but we stop taking on responsibility for things that are out of our control.
By adopting this mindset, we free ourselves to focus on what truly matters—our own goals, boundaries, and happiness.
I love the simplicity of the message and also how liberating it feels to just think: let them.
It’s also easy to remember.
Here’s how The Let Them Theory can particularly help female lawyers:
1. Dealing with criticism and judgments
Law firms can be highly critical environments, and as women, we’re often judged more harshly. Whether it’s about our work, our leadership style, or even our decision to set boundaries, criticism can feel personal and exhausting.
The Let Them Theory reminds us: let them think what they want. Focus on your values and the quality of your work rather than trying to win everyone’s approval.
2. Navigating gender bias
Women in law frequently encounter outdated attitudes, from being talked over in meetings to being overlooked for promotions. While it’s essential to challenge systemic issues, we can’t control every individual’s behaviour.
If someone doubts your abilities or questions your ambition? Let them. Redirect your energy towards proving it to yourself—not them.
3. Setting boundaries without guilt
As lawyers, we’re often expected to be available 24/7. Add in societal expectations of women as the ones who’ll say yes when asked to help, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of overcommitting. The Let Them Theory gives you permission to say no without guilt.
If someone doesn’t understand why you’re prioritizing your family, your health, or your sanity? Let them. Your wellbeing comes first.
4. Letting go of perfectionism
Many of us strive to be perfect—at work, at home, and everywhere in between.
We are high achievers and prone to perfectionism (it’s likely played a significant part in our success to date and old habits die hard).
Robbins’ message is liberating: let them see your humanity. Let them see that you’re not a machine. You’ll gain respect for your authenticity and find more freedom to thrive.
How to use the Let Them theory in your own life
Here are some practical steps to apply this mindset:
Pause and reflect: When faced with a frustrating situation or person, ask yourself: Is this something I can control? If not, let them.
Focus on your goals: Shift your energy away from worrying about others’ opinions and towards what truly matters to you—whether it’s a promotion, building your own practice, or spending more time with your family.
Practice self-compassion: Remind yourself that you don’t need to have all the answers or please everyone. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.
Lean on your support system: Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you. Communities like Female Lawyers’ Club provide a safe space to share challenges and celebrate wins.
Why this matters
By embracing The Let Them Theory, we can break free from the exhausting cycle of people-pleasing and overthinking. This shift isn’t just about surviving; it’s about thriving—in our careers, our relationships, and our lives. For female lawyers, this mindset can be the key to stepping into leadership roles with confidence and clarity.
So, the next time someone doubts you, judges you, or asks you to go above and beyond at your expense? Take a deep breath and remember: let them.
Rachel