Why You Don’t Need to Act Like a Man to Succeed in Law
“Stay true to yourself. An original is worth more than a copy.”
For decades, the legal profession has rewarded traditionally masculine traits—aggression in negotiations, dominance in meetings, and a reluctance to show vulnerability. Many female lawyers feel pressure to adopt these behaviours to be taken seriously and advance in their careers. But the idea that you have to act like a man to succeed in law is outdated—and, frankly, incorrect.
Success in law isn’t about being the loudest in the room
There’s a long-standing stereotype that the most successful lawyers are the ones who dominate discussions, take an aggressive approach to negotiations, and show no emotion. But in reality, some of the most effective lawyers—male or female—succeed because of their ability to listen, empathise, and build strong relationships.
Clients don’t just want an attack dog; they want someone they trust. Senior leaders don’t promote people simply because they’re the loudest; they recognise those who demonstrate good judgement, strategic thinking, and the ability to influence others in a meaningful way.
One of my early female lawyer role models was a woman who was quietly spoken and very friendly. She was still respected by all and was the head of the department. I really appreciated having her as the leader of the team at a formative time in my career, showing me that it was possible to be a nice person who treated people well, while also being successful in a legal career.
Assertiveness is not the same as aggression
Too often, female lawyers feel an unspoken expectation to adopt a tougher, more assertive persona to be taken seriously and advance in their careers.
But there’s a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive.
Assertiveness is about standing your ground with confidence, advocating for yourself and your clients, and communicating effectively. Aggression, on the other hand, often alienates colleagues, damages relationships, and can make you appear difficult to work with.
I once worked with a male lawyer who would shout, scream and be abusive to people on the phone, in an open plan office where everyone could hear him. His “negotiation style” was certainly at the extreme end of “assertiveness”. The firm in question had hardly any female partners at the time, and none in our department. I often wondered how long a female lawyer would last if she behaved in the same way!
Women in law shouldn’t feel like they need to change their natural communication style to fit in. Instead, focusing on clarity, conviction, and self-assurance in how you present yourself can be far more powerful than trying to out-shout others.
Emotional intelligence is a leadership strength
Another damaging myth in law is that emotions are a weakness. In reality, emotional intelligence—understanding and managing your own emotions while recognising and influencing the emotions of others—is one of the most valuable leadership skills a lawyer can have.
The best lawyers don’t just argue their case; they read the room, understand what their clients and opponents truly need, and navigate complex situations with diplomacy and confidence. Compassion, active listening, and strong interpersonal skills are not weaknesses—they’re superpowers.
Redefine success on your own terms
If you’ve ever felt that you don’t fit the traditional mould of a lawyer, that’s a good thing. The profession doesn’t need more of the same; it needs diverse perspectives, fresh approaches, and lawyers who lead in their own way. You don’t need to act like a man to be successful—you just need to own your strengths, play to them, and trust that being authentic is the best way to build a fulfilling and sustainable career in law.
Have you ever felt pressure to change the way you behave to fit into the legal profession? Let me know—I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Enjoy the rest of the week.
Rachel