Is apologising gendered?
Occasionally the idea for a blog doesn't so much suggest itself as smack me in the face and insist that I write it. This is one such occasion.
This was prompted by three separate incidents in fairly short order. I was on the receiving end of suboptimal behaviour from three different people, and on none of these occasions did the person apologise. I say “people” when what I actually mean is “men”, and it gave me pause to wonder whether the propensity to apologise, or not, is gendered. I had a suspicion that it was, and this prompted me to look into it further.
I thought I was the only one
"I quoted lower, but I could have quoted higher. Why did I never learn?" (said by a senior lawyer at a Female Lawyers' Club fees and billing session)
For years, saying my fees out loud made me want to apologise mid-sentence. I'd say the number and immediately look for ways to make it sound better, or justify it. I assumed this was a personal failing, something everyone else had grown out of.
It turns out it wasn't just me at all.
Nobody asked me why I was leaving
Nobody asked me why I was leaving.
Colleagues asked, plenty of them, out of real curiosity. But across six different law firms, over more than twenty years, after I’d announced I was leaving each firm, nobody ever sat me down properly - not once.
We already know women leave this profession in numbers that should worry every firm. Around a third of female solicitors leave between five and ten years after qualifying, and don't come back (Law Society, 2022). Women make up the majority of solicitors and a fraction of equity partners. None of that is news to anyone reading this.