I thought I was the only one
“I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if I measure up.”
"I quoted lower, but I could have quoted higher. Why did I never learn?" (said by a senior lawyer at a Female Lawyers' Club fees and billing session)
For years, saying my fees out loud made me want to apologise mid-sentence. I'd say the number and immediately look for ways to make it sound better, or justify it. I assumed this was a personal failing, something everyone else had grown out of.
It turns out it wasn't just me at all.
I know this because I've now run several fees and billing sessions for Female Lawyers' Club, full of senior women with decades of practice behind them, and in every single one, someone says a version of the quote at the top of this email. The relief in the room when the first person admits it is something to behold. I'd describe these sessions as revelatory.
It’s not surprising that we do this, when you think about it.
We're conscientious perfectionists who chose a high-status job where you need to get everything right, pretty much all the time. Society tells women not to ask for more money and not to fail, and the legal profession hardens both messages into non-negotiable rules: no exceptions, whatever the circumstances. Put a high achiever in that environment for twenty years and she will end up undercharging, over-delivering, and wondering why she still doubts herself.
She was never the problem. Every one of those habits was learned, and anything learned can be unlearned.
I've collected the most useful of what's come out of those sessions, and the business development and career moves that work for people with full caseloads, into a new free guide I have created - the Partner-Level Confidence Toolkit. Three sections (billing confidence, business development, your next step), each with five practical actions. Here are three of the fifteen, one from each section, to give you an idea of what you're getting:
Raise scope creep the second you see it. Additional work is additional work, and the time to mention it is when it arises, calmly and factually: "This has gone beyond what we originally discussed, so I wanted to mention that there will be an additional charge." Said early, it's rarely a problem. Said at billing time, it can cause friction.
Audit your existing network before you try to extend it. List the clients you've worked with in the past two to three years. Note who you enjoyed working with, who brought repeat instructions, who referred work to you. Your next client is far more likely to be on that list than at the conference you're dreading next month.
Identify the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Vague dissatisfaction is hard to act on. A specific question ("what is the single clearest obstacle between me and partnership?") gives you something to work with. Naming it precisely is the first step to doing something about it.
The toolkit is my thank-you for filling in the Female Lawyers' Club survey on why women leave the law, or think about leaving, and what it would take to keep them. 40 senior lawyers have completed it so far and some of the answers are absolute gold. I read every one. I'd love to reach 50 this week.
One housekeeping note. The link I sent last week required a Google account, which locked some of you out (sorry!). The link below is new: you won’t need a Google account or give an email address. You fill in the survey and the toolkit downloads immediately.
If you've ever thought about leaving the law, or you know exactly what made you stay, I want to hear it.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Rachel
P.S. Here's the survey link again. The toolkit downloads the moment you submit.